Has anyone seen Teddy?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Ted". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Reelmovienation.com)

1) How could anyone resist a cuddly teddy bear? Nice move movie poster designers. Kids will be bugging their parents to take them to this movie and we all know what that means, double admission costs!

2) We wonder why they're laughing... Maybe they're watching one of Mark's movies. There's only one Mark Wahlberg movie we can think of that would make anyone laugh like that, they must be watching "Boogie Nights".

3) Who gave Teddy a beer?

4) Mila Kunis makes any movie poster better, so why isn't she anywhere to be found?!?! The combination of a teddy bear and Mila Kunis would have guaranteed that this movie would open at number one! Instead, we have Mark Wahlberg with a bad tie and khakis.

5) Hmm, do we really want to be publicizing the fact that this is his first movie? Just from this movie poster we know they don't know what they're doing, stop reminding us.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Ted", we predict that it'll make $15.3 million during its first weekend.

Does Johnny Depp hunt vampires?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: EatSleepLiveFilm.com)

1) Good use of a full moon here because everyone knows that people turn into vampires when there's a full moon! Umm, err, ok, that might be werewolves. But, everyone knows that vampires can't resist moons that look like cookies! I guess that's supposed to be a skull? Hmm, I like the cookie theory better.

2) The constant dilemma of any movie poster designer is who to put on the movie poster when there are no big time stars in the movie. This designer has cleverly taken care of that problem by obscurring the face of it's main character. This could be Abraham Lincoln, it could be Dorian Grey, it might even be Johnny Depp, who knows? Either way, how could you not be excited to see a movie where the main character wears a top hat and carries an axe!

3) Vampire hunter? Cool. I wonder if any of the Twilight vampires will appear in this movie...

4) OMG, it's a Tim Burton movie?!?! Maybe that really is Johnny Depp! This movie poster has suddenly gotten really exciting!

5) I think it's great that they're making movies about the unique hobbies of past U.S. Presidents. I think the next movie they should make is: Jimmy Carter: Peanut Predator!

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", we predict that it'll make $36 million during its first weekend.

Blink twice if you're being held hostage, Andy Samberg

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "That's My Boy". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Iwatchstuff.com)

1) Aren't there laws that protect the American flag from desecration? How could this be allowed to happen on American soil? How could the American flag be allowed to appear in an Adam Sandler movie poster? Was this movie poster designer being forced to design at gunpoint?

2) Yo, Andy! Just a quick piece of advice from your friends at Movie Poster Monday, your career isn't dead yet. Run like hell before this movie opens and just pretend that it wasn't you in that movie poster. Tell everyone it's that guy from American Pie, it won't hurt his career cause his career is pretty much done.

3) Upon closer inspection, it looks like Andy Samberg is being held hostage, or he really needs to pee. To be on the safe side can someone call 911? 

4) This movie poster is sponsored by Bud Light.

5) We would like to believe that this is just some tacky outfit that the movie poster stylist came up with, but something tells us that Adam Sandler may actually dress like this in his regular life.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "That's My Boy", we predict that it'll make $1.3 million during its first weekend.

No, Robert! Too sexy, too sexy!

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Bel Ami". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Collider.com)

1) This is the, oh, how you say, Robert Pattinson movie poster.

2) If this wasn't a limited release, just having Robert Pattinson doing his version of "Blue Steel" would likely get the teenage Twilight geeks to spend at least $10 million on this silver screen version of The Hills.

3) Is it our imagination or does everyone in this movie poster look like they're trying to do "Blue Steel"? 

4) Isn't this the same outfit he wore in Harry Potter? I guess they blew the whole budget on this hair.

5) We wonder how mad Colm Meaney is that he's the only star that got left off the movie poster. Well, maybe they would have included Colm if he wasn't such a "Meaney"! (We at Movie Poster Monday would like to apologize for that weak Colm Meaney joke)

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Bel Ami", we predict that it'll make $150.00 during its first weekend.