Shark Weak

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Shark Night 3D". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: TheReelBits.com)

1) 3D? Seriously? I know that Avatar made a trillion dollars because it was in 3D, but really? That was in 2009. Doing that now is almost like adding #Winning to your Tweets, kinda outdated.

2) Now sharks are cool and they will always be cool. This is something that the Discovery Channel has figured out and that's why they keep bringing back "Shark Week" (Keep up the good work!) Adding a shark to any movie poster will automatically earn you $5 million on your opening weekend.

3) While sharks are cool, what's up with this shark? I think it's like blind or something cause it chased down the swimmer and then continued to swim past her... What's up with that? Is he chasing down her larger friend who's swimming in front of her? We'll never know unless there's a sequel.

4) A pretty girl is always a bonus in any movie poster. Girl in a bikini is even better, enough said.

5) Blood splatters are a tricky thing to use on any movie poster, kind of like an American actor doing an English accent. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. In this case it has missed the mark as it doesn't fit in with the story being told in the poster. It doesn't look like "shark attack" blood, it looks more like "vampire attack" blood. It's like they borrowed the blood splatter from a Twilight movie poster, which is never a good thing...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Shark Night 3D" will gross $11 million in its opening weekend.

Don't Be Afraid of This Poster

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: PopTower.com)

1) Pretty colours, the purple definitely goes well with the dark background.  +1!

2) Putting names of big Hollywood stars usually is a good move on any movie poster, unless no one knows the name... Who's Bailee Madison?

3) The kids today don't like to read, this poster has a lot of words... too many words

4) More names that aren't familiar...

5) This movie poster would actually make a cool t-shirt, maybe they can make back some of their money through merchandise sales.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" will gross $9 million in its opening weekend.

Why Kids in 4D?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Spy Kids in 4D". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: StickyShoeReview.com)

1) If 3D effects make a movie more enjoyable, then 4D is going to be awesome! Great move to get some bodies in seats because you know they'll only realize they have no idea what 4D is after they've paid for the tickets. Plus, kids are the target market and kids will believe anything...

2) Kids should not be playing with electricity (even if I did, enjoy it and almost burned down the house once). This poster might prevent parents from taking their offspring for fear that their kids might get ideas that will electrocute them. This will definitely take $5 million off the opening weekend.

3) Jessica Alba's presence in this film should persuade some dads to take their kids to this, whether they were interested in seeing this movie or not (kids rarely turn down a movie and popcorn). This should help minimize the loss of revenue from the electrocution thing.

4) Aroma-scope really scares me. Kids kinda smell funny. So a movie that smells like kids isn't the best selling point for me.

5) Demon dog with what looks like a death-ray gun. Cool...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Spy Kids in 4D" will gross $15 million in its opening weekend.

Good Help Posters Are Hard To Find

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Help". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Tribute.ca)

1) What are they whispering about? In this age of celebrity gossip and reality TV they will likely make $15 million just from people who want to know what they're saying. Good move poster designers!

2) Any time someone in a poster is looking directly at you it's creepy. Kind of like old oil paintings in a castle where it feels like the eyes in the painting are following you. This may scare some people away from this movie.

3) What does she have stuck on her nails? Did she just pick her nose? Wouldn't that be something, a Hollywood actress caught digging for gold on film! That would be worth the price of a ticket :)

4) The word "Change" may have worked for the Obama campaign, but it is now just associated with a failed promise to deliver. Not a good way to start a movie poster.

5) People are usually pretty good at following instructions if they are shouted at them loud enough. By shouting "HELP" loud and clear, it prompts some in the movie going public to respond to their SOS and purchase tickets to the movie.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "The Help" will gross $28 million in its opening weekend.

Spare Some Change?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Change-Up". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Filmofilia.com)

1) Name-dropping on movie posters is always good. It says to people, "If you liked the movie poster for The Hangover or Wedding Crashers you'll like this one."

2) Babies attacking Jason Bateman is pretty cool, but I'm not sure if this will help or hurt the box-office receipts. It makes me want to go see the movie, but mature movie-goers are likely to avoid it for fear they will develop a phobia of babies.

3) A pretty girl is always a good addition, two is even better!

4) Not to forget the eye-candy for the ladies, Ryan Reynolds should help guys convince their girlfriends that they might actually enjoy this movie!

5) I'm glad they printed the name of the movie in clear block letters because this might bring in additional revenue from baseball fans. They might get confused and think it's a baseball movie, with at least two pretty girls in it...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "The Change-Up" will gross $17 million in its opening weekend.