Did someone forget to invite Tommy Lee Jones?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Family". This week's five points of the poster are:

1)    This is the strangest family portrait we’ve ever seen. We think that the movie poster director must secretly have aspirations to be a modern artist. Or maybe it symbolizes today’s modern family being too busy to all gather together for a family portrait and instead parents are forced to Photoshop everyone into a photo or risk not having one. That’s pretty deep for a movie poster…
2)    We thought last week’s poster was low budget because they couldn’t turn on the lights for Vin Diesel, but this week’s takes it to a new level as it seems they can’t even afford a new tennis racket for the shoot.
3)    Perhaps Robert De Niro is the reason they had to cut back on the prop budget. He’s got a lot of restaurants to fund in this uncertain economy, so after they’ve paid De Niro it’s likely that there wasn’t much left in the pot. Oh well, hope that tennis scene is really short cause it’s not gonna be a long game.
4)    How could you ever go wrong putting Michelle Pfeiffer in a movie poster? Bravo!
5)    Wait a minute, where’s Tommy Lee Jones? Did someone forget to send him the memo about the movie poster shoot? When he finds out he was left off the poster he’s gonna be mad as a badger with an expired coupon… Or whatever it is he says when he’s angry.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "The Family", we predict that it'll make $9.7 million during its first weekend. 

Is Vin Diesel afraid of the dark?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Riddick". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Collider.com)

  1) Uh oh, someone’s gonna be in trouble! I would hate to be the movie poster lighting guy who forgot to turn on the lights during Vin Diesel’s movie poster shoot. He doesn’t look very happy at all, I wonder if he’s about to have a Christian Bale moment…

   2)Yeah, he’s mad. One doesn’t get “glowy eyes” unless you’re just absolutely livid! But, it is also possible that inhaling all the fumes from all those Fast and Furious movie poster shoots has made his eyes just naturally glow like that… Hmm, we won’t know the answer to that question until his next shoot.

   3) Wow, the movie is gonna be in IMAX! Let’s call the 80’s and let them know.

   4) We wonder if he picked out his own sunglasses for this shoot. Vin doesn’t seem too happy about them, otherwise he’d be wearing them properly instead of plopping them on the top of his head. However, wearing your sunglasses on the top of your head is something that many of today’s actresses do, perhaps he’s trying to channel his inner Cameron Diaz for this role?

5)      As Vin Diesel’s name is the only one on the poster, we’re gonna assume that there’s either no one else in the movie, or actors so bad they’re not worth mentioning. Either way, it doesn’t really give us much confidence in the overall movie poster experience.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Riddick", we predict that it'll make $15 million during its first weekend. 

Someone get this movie poster a Red Bull!

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Internship". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Filmofilia.com)

1) It's good to see this comedic dual working together again on another movie poster. But, we feel a bit let down by this sequel to the Wedding Crashers poster. That poster had energy, it had Vince Vaughn about to snap in half, it had Christopher Walken's name on it, it had some great movie poster elements. This one is kinda boring... Sorry guys, we're just not feeling this one, and from the looks on their faces it would seem that they're not feeling it either.

2) We feel their first mistake was to put Vince on the left and Owen on the right. Everyone knows that Vince does his best movie poster work on the right side of the poster. (As seen in the Wedding Crashers poster where we see a Vince Vaughn who is actually awake for the shoot... Or it might just be a Vince that's on something funky, either way he looks alive.)

3) What are we pointing at here? We don't get it.

4) If we need any more evidence of Vince's inability to work the left side of the movie poster, all we need to do is dig up the Couples Retreat poster. We can't explain it, but the left is definitely his weak side, he just can't seem to get his game together from there.

5) Then we have Owen Wilson who seems to think that he does his best movie poster work from the middle of the poster. We're not completely convinced, he showed some genius in the Midnight in Paris poster , we're split on You, Me and Dupree, but we're seriously questioning his work on the Marley & Me poster.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "The Internship", we predict that it'll make $23 million during its first weekend. 

Now you see... Actually, we have no idea what we're looking at...

Movie Poster Monday is back! This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Now You See Me". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Majorspoilers.com)

1) Hey, isn't that Mark Zuckerberg? What's he doing in this movie poster? Did Facebook finance this movie poster? If they did, was it done using real money or Bitcoin? Who uses Bitcoin anyways? If someone tried to pay Movie Poster Monday with Bitcoin we'd probably superglue them to a movie poster. Really, dude, just use real cash money! You're gonna look like an idiot when you're out on a date and your Bitcoin is refused at the restaurant... Granted, guys that use Bitcoin probably don't get many dates...

2) So, are these supposed to be his Facebook friends? It would be kinda cool to have Woody Harrelson as your Facebook friend, I'd be afraid of the kinds of things that he would tag me in, but it would still be kinda cool...

3) Notice the use of a monochromatic palette to create a... zzz...zzz...zzz... No one cares, we're bored, add some colour to this poster, we feel like we're trapped in Picasso's colourblind nightmare!

4) Somebody is upset that he's stuck in the back! I sure don't want to be the guy who decided to stick Michael Caine in the back! Maybe he'll grab one of the letter "O's" and use it to unfriend a few people...

5) What's Macaulay Culkin doing here?

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Now You See Me", we predict that it'll make $20 million during its first weekend.

This is a revolution we never expected...

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Step Up Revolution". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Moviefanatic.com)

1) We couldn't believe that this wasn't the first "Step UP" movie poster.

2) We couldn't believe this wasn't the second "Step Up" movie poster.

3) We couldn't believe this wasn't the third "Step Up" movie poster.

4) We couldn't believe they made a fourth "Step Up" movie poster.

5) Are these people all dancing? It actually looks more like a gang fight to us, but more a gang fight like in the music video "Beat It" rather than the mean streets. The one guy in the middle also looks like he's having a rather difficult bowel movement, we hope that they had paramedics on-site that day for the movie poster shoot.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Step Up Revolution", we predict that it'll make $35 million during its first weekend.

Holy movie poster, Batman!

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Dark Knight Rises". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Cinemablend.com)

1) This might just be the most anticipated movie poster of the year and now we see why. An explosion in the shape of a bat? Are you kidding us? Genius! Bravo movie poster designer, bravo. How many explosions did the special effects guys have to detonate until they got just the right shaped explosion? We don't even want to know. 

2) Did Christian Bale stand there for every explosion or did he use a stand in? He's so dedicated to his craft that we wouldn't be surprised if he did stand there for hours until they got it just right. He might be a bit nuts, but he's one hell of an actor.

3) Just a warning to everyone on set, if this is Christian Bale in the bat suit, it looks like he might be just about to flip out again on set. Someone better leak the audio for it if he does! We haven't had something that entertaining in a while, and who could forget all the awesome remixes of his tirade that appeared all over the Internet? Inspiration like that doesn't come around everyday for the geeks. The fat, Star Wars kid was probably the last truly inspirational online meme. 

4) Eight movie star names that we recognize! That guarantees at least $80 million for the opening weekend! This movie is gonna make a ton of sweet, bat-coin!

5) This is the last movie. A last movie should be just that, a last movie. Not a last movie that's been broken into TWO last movies. Hear that Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games?

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "The Dark Knight Rises", we predict that it'll make $150 million during its first weekend.

Everyone loves the Ice Age

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Ice Age: Continental Drift ". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: cinema.theiapolis.com)

1) Look at all the big stars that they managed to fit on this movie poster. The "Everyone Loves Raymond Guy", the guy that usually plays Latino guys, and everyone's favorite grumpy guy! It's amazing they didn't have to make this poster in large format.

2) Did they get a bulk deal on musicians? We can't remember a time on a movie poster when there were more musicians listed than actual actors. With this much musical talent attached, this movie is gonna have one awesome soundtrack... Or should we say, this movie better have one awesome soundtrack!

3) They really know how to increase the concession sales! All this ice and water will make movie goers crave a giant soda with their movie experience! (Unless you're in New York City where you'll have to be happy with a less giant 16 ounce soda.) 

4) Will animal activists stand for the allegations of abuse in this movie poster? Rumors of the mistreatment of animals was whispered on set, but never proven. We may finally have proof in this movie poster. While creative, turning a skunk into a skull and crossbones flag must be at least a bit abusive...

5) This squirrel cracks me up...

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Ice Age: Continental Drift", we predict that it'll make $76 million during its first weekend.