Everyone loves the Ice Age

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Ice Age: Continental Drift ". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: cinema.theiapolis.com)

1) Look at all the big stars that they managed to fit on this movie poster. The "Everyone Loves Raymond Guy", the guy that usually plays Latino guys, and everyone's favorite grumpy guy! It's amazing they didn't have to make this poster in large format.

2) Did they get a bulk deal on musicians? We can't remember a time on a movie poster when there were more musicians listed than actual actors. With this much musical talent attached, this movie is gonna have one awesome soundtrack... Or should we say, this movie better have one awesome soundtrack!

3) They really know how to increase the concession sales! All this ice and water will make movie goers crave a giant soda with their movie experience! (Unless you're in New York City where you'll have to be happy with a less giant 16 ounce soda.) 

4) Will animal activists stand for the allegations of abuse in this movie poster? Rumors of the mistreatment of animals was whispered on set, but never proven. We may finally have proof in this movie poster. While creative, turning a skunk into a skull and crossbones flag must be at least a bit abusive...

5) This squirrel cracks me up...

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Ice Age: Continental Drift", we predict that it'll make $76 million during its first weekend.

Anyone want to play spider-ball?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Amazing Spider-Man". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Collider.com)

1) How many basketballs died to make Spider-Man's costume?

2) Still thinking of all those poor basketballs.

3) Have our superheroes become such divas that spandex is no longer good enough for them?

4) I wonder if the new basketball costume helps Spider-Man bounce off walls better when he's thrown against a wall (which seems to happen in every movie).

5) We've been critical of 3D in the past, but we can't wait to see this in 3D!

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "The Amazing Spider-Man", we predict that it'll make $60 million during its first weekend.

Has anyone seen Teddy?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Ted". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Reelmovienation.com)

1) How could anyone resist a cuddly teddy bear? Nice move movie poster designers. Kids will be bugging their parents to take them to this movie and we all know what that means, double admission costs!

2) We wonder why they're laughing... Maybe they're watching one of Mark's movies. There's only one Mark Wahlberg movie we can think of that would make anyone laugh like that, they must be watching "Boogie Nights".

3) Who gave Teddy a beer?

4) Mila Kunis makes any movie poster better, so why isn't she anywhere to be found?!?! The combination of a teddy bear and Mila Kunis would have guaranteed that this movie would open at number one! Instead, we have Mark Wahlberg with a bad tie and khakis.

5) Hmm, do we really want to be publicizing the fact that this is his first movie? Just from this movie poster we know they don't know what they're doing, stop reminding us.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Ted", we predict that it'll make $15.3 million during its first weekend.

Does Johnny Depp hunt vampires?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: EatSleepLiveFilm.com)

1) Good use of a full moon here because everyone knows that people turn into vampires when there's a full moon! Umm, err, ok, that might be werewolves. But, everyone knows that vampires can't resist moons that look like cookies! I guess that's supposed to be a skull? Hmm, I like the cookie theory better.

2) The constant dilemma of any movie poster designer is who to put on the movie poster when there are no big time stars in the movie. This designer has cleverly taken care of that problem by obscurring the face of it's main character. This could be Abraham Lincoln, it could be Dorian Grey, it might even be Johnny Depp, who knows? Either way, how could you not be excited to see a movie where the main character wears a top hat and carries an axe!

3) Vampire hunter? Cool. I wonder if any of the Twilight vampires will appear in this movie...

4) OMG, it's a Tim Burton movie?!?! Maybe that really is Johnny Depp! This movie poster has suddenly gotten really exciting!

5) I think it's great that they're making movies about the unique hobbies of past U.S. Presidents. I think the next movie they should make is: Jimmy Carter: Peanut Predator!

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", we predict that it'll make $36 million during its first weekend.

Blink twice if you're being held hostage, Andy Samberg

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "That's My Boy". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Iwatchstuff.com)

1) Aren't there laws that protect the American flag from desecration? How could this be allowed to happen on American soil? How could the American flag be allowed to appear in an Adam Sandler movie poster? Was this movie poster designer being forced to design at gunpoint?

2) Yo, Andy! Just a quick piece of advice from your friends at Movie Poster Monday, your career isn't dead yet. Run like hell before this movie opens and just pretend that it wasn't you in that movie poster. Tell everyone it's that guy from American Pie, it won't hurt his career cause his career is pretty much done.

3) Upon closer inspection, it looks like Andy Samberg is being held hostage, or he really needs to pee. To be on the safe side can someone call 911? 

4) This movie poster is sponsored by Bud Light.

5) We would like to believe that this is just some tacky outfit that the movie poster stylist came up with, but something tells us that Adam Sandler may actually dress like this in his regular life.

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "That's My Boy", we predict that it'll make $1.3 million during its first weekend.

No, Robert! Too sexy, too sexy!

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Bel Ami". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Collider.com)

1) This is the, oh, how you say, Robert Pattinson movie poster.

2) If this wasn't a limited release, just having Robert Pattinson doing his version of "Blue Steel" would likely get the teenage Twilight geeks to spend at least $10 million on this silver screen version of The Hills.

3) Is it our imagination or does everyone in this movie poster look like they're trying to do "Blue Steel"? 

4) Isn't this the same outfit he wore in Harry Potter? I guess they blew the whole budget on this hair.

5) We wonder how mad Colm Meaney is that he's the only star that got left off the movie poster. Well, maybe they would have included Colm if he wasn't such a "Meaney"! (We at Movie Poster Monday would like to apologize for that weak Colm Meaney joke)

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "Bel Ami", we predict that it'll make $150.00 during its first weekend.

Who will avenge this movie poster?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Avengers". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Collider.com)

1) Wow, eight names at the top of the poster! Multiply by seven, carry the one, have numbers crunched by secret algorithms... If this movie doesn't make at least $90 million in its opening weekend it will mean our secret algorithms need more work.

2) We love how things are blowing up and the rest of The Avengers at least look like they're about to fight someone or something, but Captain America is just posing! Guess he's just concerned about looking cool in the movie poster, as opposed to helping his friends. Wonder if he's going to make appearances on Jimmy Kimmel and The View next...

3) We realize that The Hulk is supposed to be a big guy, but unless he's the love child of Godzilla and King Kong he's a bit out of proportion. Cause definitely if he really is supposed to be that big, his pants would have split too when he grew. Even with a pair of spanks under those pants, The Hulk would be going commando after his transformation.

4) Hello Scarlett! We think we've caught Samuel L. Jackson staring at your ass. Not that we blame him, but it's not exactly profession. We would have expected that kind of behaviour from Captain America, but somehow we think he might be more interested in admiring his own ass...

5) Does anyone think that maybe Robert Downey Jr. was too busy to show up to the movie poster shoot? His head looks like it was cut and pasted onto this body. Can anyone confirm that they used a stand-in and added his face in post-production?

In conclusion, based on our detailed analysis of "The Avengers", we predict that it'll make $90 million during its first weekend.