The phantom menace

(Image credit: OnlineMoviesHut.com)

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Another Happy Day". This week's five points of the poster are:

1) Ellen Barkin has raised movie poster acting to a new level. For the first time an actor has successfully recreated the future face of a famous movie poster actor. In this frame she is playing actress Cameron Diaz in 20 years without plastic surgery, or 40 years if she decides to seek the assistance of cosmetic surgeons. Well done, Ellen, you're beautiful!

2) In this frame Ellen Burstyn asks, "Who farted? Was it you surfer girl? You were hanging out with that elf from the Lord of the Rings movie poster for a bunch of years and we know that elves have gas problems! After all, why else would they be pushed out of real villages and cities? Because seriously, who would voluntarily live in a tree and bake cookies if they weren't forced to because no one would have them as a neighbor...". (And the whole cookie baking thing is probably just to cover up the fart smell.)

3) It is obvious that this movie poster shoot is plagued by a suspicious, unidentified odour. Thomas Haden Church has also turned an accusing eye at Kate Bosworth. "Was it you?" He wonders... Also, he wonders what other horrible habits she picked up in the Forest of Endor or wherever she was vacationing with elf-boy. Then he notices that her eyes are different colors and is confused, and that appears to be the facial expression they captured for this poster. Interesting choice movie poster director, I guess you wanted to leave the possibility open that this movie poster shoot would end on a happy note?

4) Kate has had a rough time during this movie poster shoot with two of her co-stars accusing her of being the "Phantom Farter". Her inability to look either of them in the eyes might be an admission of guilt. Is she the "Phantom Farter"? Did she pick up bad habits from the elf? Will anyone ever want to work with her again on a future movie poster? Or is she just a classy lady who is ignoring these bullies?

5) Our apologies to Kate, we were lead by your jealous co-stars into believing you were the "Phantom Farter". It's obvious by the guilty look on Demi Moore's face that she did it!

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Another Happy Day" will gross $3,872 in its opening (limited release) weekend. 

A high-margin movie poster

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Margin Call". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: DaemonsMovies.com)

1) Once again this may have been inspired by another movie poster, but without knowing which one I can't carry that movie poster experience into this one. Movie poster designers need to drop the name of that movie poster into the copy!

2) Wow, talk about squeezing a lot of Hollywood stars into one poster! +1 to the movie poster designer who thought to use the 'slice and look' method (made famous by a movie poster designer named Pablo who worked in the 60's). Using this method one reduces a star's movie poster real estate to just a sliver that's wide enough to support his or her face. Second in order to make up for the absence of the rest of their movie star influence tools (i.e. - body, hands, etc.) you make sure that they give you their best 'Blue Steel' gaze (formerly called "The George Hamilton").

3) Hey, isn't that the guy from the Star Trek movie poster? How did he get mixed up with this crew? Well, it's obvious they didn't expect him to bring much attention. Not only did they ask him to pose for the movie poster from the side so they could make his slice thinner, they still went and cut off part of his face. Welcome to Hollywood, Mr. Spock!

4) Who's getting a lot of space on this movie poster? If you said, "Kevin Spacey", you would be correct! Not only does the "Space Man" get a big piece of real estate, he's the only one who's allowed to wear suspenders! Poor Zachary Quinto wasn't even allowed to wear a suit jacket... Is that movie poster star power or what?!

5) Demi Moore must have really wronged someone in a past movie poster because she been reduced to sharing her slice. And not with another movie star, but with a TV star! How insulting for this former star of a movie with the 'Swayze-est' actor in history! While I do enjoy Simon Baker's work on "The Mentalist" he is just not yet a star on movie posters. Even barely a TV star Penn Badgley (of Gossip Girl fame) has his own thin slice. Now I'm not sure who should be upset, Demi or Simon... Oh well, I'm sure Demi was just happy to be away from Ashton for the movie poster shoot.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Margin Call" will gross $23.1 million in its opening weekend.