No one is on this movie poster...

Although we were hoping to review the poster for "A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas", we at Movie Poster Monday didn't want to draw any cries of favoritism if the poster received an overwhelmingly positive review (as it is widely known that we are huge fans of the H&K franchise).

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Son of No One". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Wikipedia.com)

1) Two words: mustache! Sometimes they're weird if a movie star isn't Tom Selleck, but because there are two mustaches in this poster somehow it feels ok. Of course, even if it was a bit odd I might think twice before I said anything because did you see Al Pacino in Scarface? He's kinda nuts when someone makes him mad! Plus he's Al Pacino, and when you're Al Pacino you really can do no wrong. (I don't want any of you writing in to me about "S1m0ne" cause I already said Al can do no wrong.)

2) Big movie star names! Or at the very least these are all names that I recognize. There are also at least two names of stars that I believe would drop by the Movie Poster Monday offices for a chat if they received a bad review. I'll let you decide who the other star is as the first one has already been mentioned (did you see Scarface?) and there will be a special Movie Poster Monday prize for the first person to post the correct answer on our Facebook page - Facebook.com/MPMonday.

3) While there are some pretty big names on this movie poster, I do feel that it needs one more... Can you imagine how awesome this poster would be if it also had the name Neil Patrick Harris? I mean NPH rules! Al Pacino AND Neil Patrick Harris on one movie poster? That would be like having Vanilla Ice & MC Hammer performing on the same stage!

4) Is it me or does Tracy Morgan look like he just soiled himself?

5) I think I figured out why everyone on this movie poster is looking around and over their shoulder. One can never be too careful when Katie Holmes is around... Although Katie is really sweet, her Scientologist handlers give most normal people the creeps; and they're all aliens.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "The Son of No One" will gross $9.1 million in its opening weekend.

I shot the Sheriff, but I did not kidnap the "Depp"-uty...

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "The Rum Diary". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: LiveForFilms.com)

1) This week's poster is definitely for the ladies! Finally, movie poster designers are listening to Movie Poster Monday and are making their big Hollywood star the primary focus of their poster! While this was a good move on the part of the designer, it's obvious from the look on Mr. Depp's face that no one else told him he was going to be posing for a movie poster shoot. Actually, they probably didn't tell him he'd be doing it in his boxers either. Note to designers, be sure to liase with your star's "people" so you don't have to do what they had to do here (which was obviously kidnap Johnny Depp and bring him to an undisclosed location for an unscheduled movie poster shoot). One sock up, one sock down, if done deliberately is genius as it incorporates the chaos of the room into the actor. If it happened while they dragged him into the unmarked van, just a happy accident that paid off...

2) The set designer obviously went to a lot of trouble to appeal to "hipsters". The retro typewriter, telephone and tiny bottles of alcohol are all things that they like... Quick! Run to your parents house and put their old phone and typewriter on eBay and wait for that sweet hipster coin to come rolling in to you!

3) Nice subtle product placement, Louis Vuitton! Didn't Johnny just do an ad campaign for them? Or was that Keith Richards? Ever since they did Pirates of the Carribean together I have trouble telling them apart. Somehow I'm thinking the designer of this movie poster was either inspired by the movie poster for The Hangover or he's been partying with Keith Richards. Just a hunch.

4) Poor fishy, what will become of you? Will your bowl tip you into a shaggy carpet death or will you be saved by Captain Jack just in the nick of time? (Note: No need to call PETA, I'm sure that the American Humane Society was on the set of this movie poster shoot to ensure that no animals were harmed in the production of this movie poster.)

5) What is this exactly? At first I thought it might be a retro mini-fridge, but then I noticed it's made of wood so thought maybe an antique mini-fridge? That doesn't seem right, so maybe a value-priced coffin for a midget? When you're partying with Johnny Depp and Keith Richards you never know what you might wake up with in your hotel room.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "The Rum Diary" will gross $20.1 million in its opening weekend.

A high-margin movie poster

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Margin Call". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: DaemonsMovies.com)

1) Once again this may have been inspired by another movie poster, but without knowing which one I can't carry that movie poster experience into this one. Movie poster designers need to drop the name of that movie poster into the copy!

2) Wow, talk about squeezing a lot of Hollywood stars into one poster! +1 to the movie poster designer who thought to use the 'slice and look' method (made famous by a movie poster designer named Pablo who worked in the 60's). Using this method one reduces a star's movie poster real estate to just a sliver that's wide enough to support his or her face. Second in order to make up for the absence of the rest of their movie star influence tools (i.e. - body, hands, etc.) you make sure that they give you their best 'Blue Steel' gaze (formerly called "The George Hamilton").

3) Hey, isn't that the guy from the Star Trek movie poster? How did he get mixed up with this crew? Well, it's obvious they didn't expect him to bring much attention. Not only did they ask him to pose for the movie poster from the side so they could make his slice thinner, they still went and cut off part of his face. Welcome to Hollywood, Mr. Spock!

4) Who's getting a lot of space on this movie poster? If you said, "Kevin Spacey", you would be correct! Not only does the "Space Man" get a big piece of real estate, he's the only one who's allowed to wear suspenders! Poor Zachary Quinto wasn't even allowed to wear a suit jacket... Is that movie poster star power or what?!

5) Demi Moore must have really wronged someone in a past movie poster because she been reduced to sharing her slice. And not with another movie star, but with a TV star! How insulting for this former star of a movie with the 'Swayze-est' actor in history! While I do enjoy Simon Baker's work on "The Mentalist" he is just not yet a star on movie posters. Even barely a TV star Penn Badgley (of Gossip Girl fame) has his own thin slice. Now I'm not sure who should be upset, Demi or Simon... Oh well, I'm sure Demi was just happy to be away from Ashton for the movie poster shoot.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Margin Call" will gross $23.1 million in its opening weekend.

This Movie Poster Designer Has More Than Just a Foot Loose

(Image credit: MovieFanatic.com)

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Footloose". This week's five points of the poster are:


1) There are no movie star names on this movie poster. There aren't even minor movie star names. This immediately tells us that there won't be any recognizable people in this movie poster. In fact, these people might be so unknown that prior to this poster they may not even have existed. They may have just been pixels of unorganized love between an artist and a virtual paint brush...

2) I do have to wonder where this graphic designer learned to create movie posters. It is generally accepted that the title of a movie poster should probably not be smaller than other random words that might appear. Those who do not know of the original "Footloose" movie poster might assume that this movie poster is for the film "Cut Loose". Words on a movie poster should probably also not block out people on the poster, but in this case I'll ignore this faux-pas as we've already established that no one in this poster matters and they may not even really exist.

3) All the words in the poster are spelled correctly...

4) What's with this guy's hair? It kinda looks like a piece of Donald Trump's hair exploded and landed on his head! Even though no one in this movie poster matters, it would still be good to have a movie poster that doesn't scare small children. This movie poster will likely spend at least a few days on display before it gets moved to a video store or recycled so it's likely to give nightmares to a few hundred kids.

5) All people in the movie poster, real or imaginary, have the correct number of limbs...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Footloose" will gross $2.1 million in its opening weekend, if it makes it into the theaters...

Domo Arigato, Mr. Jackman

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Real Steel". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: FlicksandBits.com)

1) This is nice work from an experienced movie poster designer. If you have a big Hollywood star you place him/her front and center! The stylist on this movie poster also did a good job of dressing Mr. Jackman. I have a grey hoodie just like that so it helps me connect with this movie poster. I also have many fond memories attached to me wearing that grey hoodie, so I'm now filled with fond memories of this movie poster.

2) Should someone tell Hugh Jackman that there's a giant robot sneaking up behind him to kill him? Likely jealous because he thought he was going to be the star of this movie poster, until Hugh jumped in front of him to steal the spotlight. Jealousy, violence, a robot, this movie poster has all the elements of a futuristic soap opera!

3) Separating Hugh Jackman's first and last name with a robot head seems like a mistake because it delays your recognition of a big movie star name on the poster. You're left wondering for just a moment "Hugh who?", Hugh Grant, Hugh Laurie, Hugh Jazz... But, I think this might be a clever way to foreshadow what's about to happen to Hugh when the robot exacts his revenge. Take the "H" out of "Hugh" and you get "Ugh", which may be the last noise Hugh makes before he is rushed to the hospital.

4) Emotional catch phrases are always a nice touch on any movie poster. This one would be better if it were true. In a moment all the courage in the world isn't going to save Hugh Jackman from the beating he's going to get from the steel robot.

5) Does this robot have a tattoo? I hope it was worth it for this one movie poster gig. It might be cool now, but he may live to regret it 10 years from now. Plus, it may limit the kinds of movie poster jobs he can do because not every poster is going to call for a robot with a tattoo. Definitely excludes him from future Disney movie poster jobs. Hopefully he had the good sense to get a temporary tattoo.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Real Steel" will gross $15.1 million in its opening weekend.