There's a 50/50 Chance That This Movie Poster Sucks

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "50/50". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: Empiremovies.com)

1) A good movie poster facial expression is important to any movie poster. Seth Rogen's face here says, "Yo, are you seriously putting me in this movie poster?"
Very expressive, might even be worthy of a "Best Guy in the Background of a Movie Poster" award nomination.

2) Hey aren't you that guy from the movie poster for Inception? Maybe, but we would never know it because you looked cool there. Sadly, the coolness of that movie poster won't help you here. No, here you are that guy trying to contact the mother ship. INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD!

3) Are those electric clippers? The designers have a billion images of clippers and that's the best they could find? He looks like a unicorn! If this was a movie poster about unicorns it would be cool, but it's obvious this movie poster is about the challenges faced by two guys trying to quickly shave their heads with only one mirror.

4) Names of movie stars are always good on any movie poster. Why are these names so small? Haven't they learned from Brad Pitt movie posters that people get excited when they recognize names on a movie poster? These names are all recognizable, but that's only if one can see them. The usual $3 million boost per movie star name is reduced greatly because of a lack of visibility and likely reduced to just $1.3 million per name.

5) 50/50 is not just the name of this movie poster's movie, it also describes it's chances of being a good movie poster. I had high hopes because Joseph Gordon-Levitt has some good movie poster work under his belt like Inception and Hersher, this is definitely not his best movie poster appearance. Let's hope this is just his idea of doing an "Indie Movie Poster" before he returns to do a movie poster more worthy of his talents.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "50/50" will gross $9.3 million in its opening weekend.

Great Balls of Money!

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Moneyball". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: movies.about.com)

1) Put Brad Pitt on any movie poster and "the ladies" will approve. Well, at least most ladies will approve, the others will just move on to the next movie poster. The bold "Pitt placement" in this poster will surely add a $10 million bump to its opening weekend.

2) Little known fact that about 2% of the American population are what's known as "Sleeper Baseball Movie Viewers" or SBMVs for short. These are people who have been programmed by a secret government black-ops group to watch all movies about baseball. Originally created during the Roosevelt administration these sleeper agents keep America's game alive in the cinema. Things that will activate them? Images of baseball diamonds, bats, balls, gloves, hot dogs, beer and Kevin Costner. Contrary to popular belief these agents do not own copies of "The Catcher in the Rye".

3) Brad Pitt showing his leading movie poster actor status by doing the complex over-the-shoulder movie poster pose. This is an extremely dangerous move for any actor, as some actors are completely unidentifiable from the side (i.e. - Kate Hudson)

4) Name dropping usually works, but in this case it does nothing for this movie poster. It might be based on a true story, but sounds like they never made a movie poster for it so I really can't carry over the experience I had from the other movie poster.

5) Making Brad Pitt's name five times the size of everyone else's is a good move because his name is the most symmetrical of all the starring names listed. People like symmetry, it's been proven that symmetrical faces are viewed as the most attractive, and for this reason it adds aesthetic appeal to this poster.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Moneyball" will gross $25.9 million in its opening weekend.

Restless Poster Syndrome

(Image credit: impawards.com)

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Restless". This week's five points of the poster are:

1) Why have they put this see-through egg on the poster?

2) Someone needs to fire the stylist for this movie poster. A Cruella de Vil coat is only a good idea if you are headed to a charity fundraiser with a safari theme. Instead of concentrating on the cool flying scarf in the poster you are distracted by the thought of poor dalmatians being turned into coats.

3) Cool scarf. You have to wonder how it's staying in the air. Can't be wind because their hair isn't being blown, is the scarf alive? Is that what's meant by the title "Restless"? Is the scarf the one who is restless to escape from her neck? Is she forcing it to work criminally long hours with no job security? Tell me more, movie poster, tell me more!

4) What's up with the matching elf haircuts? I realize the budget for this movie probably wasn't huge but did they really only have enough money to send them both to Supercuts? And they likely saved additional money by having a trainee (who obviously only perfected one hairstyle) take care of them both. 

5) A movie poster best practice is name-dropping other movie posters. Sadly though, with no capital letters in this sentence my eyes just kind of slipped past the name-dropping sentence and into the clouds until I forgot what movie poster I was reviewing.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Restless" will gross $9.3 million in its opening weekend, $1.2 million if it only opens in selected cities (Pray that your city is selected).

This Movie Poster is Contagious

(Image credit: MovieNewz.com)

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Contagion". This week's five points of the poster are:

1) Adding a bunch of famous Hollywood stars to your poster adds $3 million for every star shown so it's a nice move to squeeze in six. Even better that they added their names to the poster just in case they decide to use a photo where the star is blocking out half his face.

2) Creepy mustache on an actor that isn't known for his mustache (a.k.a. a guy who's not Tom Selleck) makes your poster creepy.

3) Poster has 'special effects' to make it look dirty. Nice touch as it looks like people have stepped on the poster and allows it to ignite society's reflex to support the underdog and those in society who have been mistreated. This move might give it a $20 million bump at the box office.

4) Jude Law is freaking me out cause he looks like a frozen Jude Law lollipop.

5) Many movies with one-word titles have won Best Picture Oscars. Displaying the one-word title of your film on your movie poster is the first step in this process, but this will only result in additional revenue after the Oscars. This is a long-term strategy and will do little to boost opening weekend sales, however it does add to overall movie poster enjoyment.  

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Contagion" will gross $40 million in its opening weekend.

Shark Weak

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Shark Night 3D". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: TheReelBits.com)

1) 3D? Seriously? I know that Avatar made a trillion dollars because it was in 3D, but really? That was in 2009. Doing that now is almost like adding #Winning to your Tweets, kinda outdated.

2) Now sharks are cool and they will always be cool. This is something that the Discovery Channel has figured out and that's why they keep bringing back "Shark Week" (Keep up the good work!) Adding a shark to any movie poster will automatically earn you $5 million on your opening weekend.

3) While sharks are cool, what's up with this shark? I think it's like blind or something cause it chased down the swimmer and then continued to swim past her... What's up with that? Is he chasing down her larger friend who's swimming in front of her? We'll never know unless there's a sequel.

4) A pretty girl is always a bonus in any movie poster. Girl in a bikini is even better, enough said.

5) Blood splatters are a tricky thing to use on any movie poster, kind of like an American actor doing an English accent. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. In this case it has missed the mark as it doesn't fit in with the story being told in the poster. It doesn't look like "shark attack" blood, it looks more like "vampire attack" blood. It's like they borrowed the blood splatter from a Twilight movie poster, which is never a good thing...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Shark Night 3D" will gross $11 million in its opening weekend.

Don't Be Afraid of This Poster

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: PopTower.com)

1) Pretty colours, the purple definitely goes well with the dark background.  +1!

2) Putting names of big Hollywood stars usually is a good move on any movie poster, unless no one knows the name... Who's Bailee Madison?

3) The kids today don't like to read, this poster has a lot of words... too many words

4) More names that aren't familiar...

5) This movie poster would actually make a cool t-shirt, maybe they can make back some of their money through merchandise sales.

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" will gross $9 million in its opening weekend.

Why Kids in 4D?

This Movie Poster Monday we'll be reviewing "Spy Kids in 4D". This week's five points of the poster are:

(Image credit: StickyShoeReview.com)

1) If 3D effects make a movie more enjoyable, then 4D is going to be awesome! Great move to get some bodies in seats because you know they'll only realize they have no idea what 4D is after they've paid for the tickets. Plus, kids are the target market and kids will believe anything...

2) Kids should not be playing with electricity (even if I did, enjoy it and almost burned down the house once). This poster might prevent parents from taking their offspring for fear that their kids might get ideas that will electrocute them. This will definitely take $5 million off the opening weekend.

3) Jessica Alba's presence in this film should persuade some dads to take their kids to this, whether they were interested in seeing this movie or not (kids rarely turn down a movie and popcorn). This should help minimize the loss of revenue from the electrocution thing.

4) Aroma-scope really scares me. Kids kinda smell funny. So a movie that smells like kids isn't the best selling point for me.

5) Demon dog with what looks like a death-ray gun. Cool...

In conclusion, based on this thorough analysis I predict that "Spy Kids in 4D" will gross $15 million in its opening weekend.